What do you think of my poem?
Jan 01, 2010
in
Tornado Pictures Video
I know I posted this before but I made some changes. What do you honestly think?
The shrill shrieks of hollow laughter echo throughout
While images spin through a pulsing body,
And each breathe steals another piece of the core.
Eyes made black from streaming lakes,
And void smiles fill the air,
Fading into the abyss as quickly as they once arrived.
Swirling tornadoes come down to earth
To swoop up a lost soul
Leaving behind the vacancy and taking back the reserved.
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3 comments
Milieu on January 1, 2010 at 11:33 pm
What are you trying to say? You have an overload of modifiers, abstractions and "Big Poetic Words" but you don’t have any concrete images that let the reader into the poem, who the speaker is, or what is being said.
Bookworm! on January 1, 2010 at 11:33 pm
wow i like it! maybe you could change some words around to make it flow better. Really good job!
aliya on January 1, 2010 at 11:33 pm
I love it!!! but u could make a little more changes but still that really great!!!