It’s been for almost 4 weeks now.. and I haven’t been been able to get more than 6 hours of sleep, and that was only 1 day. It’s been about 3 or 4 hours on average. Some days 2…
I have never had a problem getting sleep my whole life, I have like 3 dreams a night! I slept though a tornado!!!! I excelled at getting sleep, I could sleep on the floor… like I was able to sleep better than anybody I knew.
I am taking sleeping pills, it does nothing. I stay up. I’m exhausted. But I don’t crash…
The only thing that I could figure out, that is consciously bothering me is the fact that I feel like I need to be in a relationship. A high quality relationship. I have the fear that I am going to be old and want to get married and all of the good people will be gone and I will have to settle for a loser! I am only 18 years old and 5 of my friends are engaged to be married. I have too much personality, I need another human to do things for, and fawn over, and take care of, and tell them I love them, and draw them pictures and bake them cakes and buy them presents… and I’m a virgin. And who am I kidding? I’m not happy about it! I would LOVE to find someone serious that I could have sex with… lots and lots of sex with, but I obviously need to be so secure with that person that I would know that they would stick around for a long time… maybe forever… so that might call for marriage. I would need to be in a serious relationship or be married to another person to have sex with them. And I don’t have a mother or father… that is in my life. So these are all reasons that would drive me to be almost obsessed with having a romantic relationship to call my own. My friends are all engaged, I have nothing to do, I want to have sex, and I have no family.
And I’m single… because I am not desperate to give myself to anybody! But maybe I should at least date… my God.
Obviously, I have a lot of problems. There are more issues than I know how to cope with/what to even do with but this is the only thing that I know that is consciously bothering me.
I have so many stressors in my life though, I get pneumonia every so many months.. and with my asthma I’m lucky I’m not hospitalized. But I have never had trouble sleeping in my entire life until now.
These are my recent stressors:
I got out of an abusive but engaged… 7 year relationship a couple months ago…
My mother is in a hospital and I am worried about her/taking care of her.
My dad is psychotic. Point blank.
I am worried about graduating…
My future…
My school is just a big fat stressor. I hate that place.
My home life is a stressor.
I planned on being an actress since I was in 1st grade and I expect myself to do it, I’m in no place for any of the things I need to do.. maybe the first being move to California, telling myself to wait a year will kill me.
I don’t have any friends because of my 7 year relationship.
I want myself to lose weight, but because of work and school I have to eat the unhealthy food they have there…
I NEED SLEEP, my life stops without sleep. I don’t care about these stupid things, I know it’s gotta be psychological. These "drink warm milk, take a bath, try relaxing" won’t help me.
I don’t know what to do…………
I just feel like there’s something bothering me and this is my body’s way or saying WE WON’T LET YOU IGNORE IT…. I just don’t know what to do.. help…….. help!!
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