Help, am I doomed to remain alone? Is this my fault? Am I sexless? Need help?
After 3 yrs he took me to Venice and proposed. Heaven. The only strange thing was that he didnt like me spending the nights at his house except saturdays or half term holidays. I saw him nearly every night and we were always together. His family and mine were happy or us. He told me quite early on that he would like to work abroad at some point. I spent most of my time trying to find a job abroad so we could go together. My only stipulation was he try and go to an english speaking country as this gave me a good chance of finding a job as well as I wanted him to have his dream. After 5 or 6 years, I mentioned isnt it about time we started thinking about living tgether? He said that he was scared of living together so I agreed how about we try
me staying more than 1 night a week t start off with as we are together all the time on holidays and it has never been a problem. He agreed but it never happened. After 6 years like this my family and his started to say he was using me as we did everything couples do except live together. They constantly questioned me about where we were going, if we had a future etc. They semed to blame me where it was his decision to not have us move in. I told him to please talk to them as I was under so much pressure from everybody. Last year I lost my job unfairly and was considering legal action. I was in such a mess and told him he could do better than me as I was a nothing and a nobody (I was very depressed) After 5 weeks I found another job but found out he had secretely asked another girl out. He said he was so sorry,it was becuase I said he could do better. We stayed together, I said we need to move this relationship up as engaged now for 4 years and still no
improvement on living together. I decided to get out from the pressure of my parents and buy my own home. He agreed and helped me with the deposit saying we would have our own place (even though he already lives alone) so he could live with me. During this his pal, became ill with Cancer – he dealt with this by cutting himself off from me saying he was going through a terrible time and his job was possibly being cut too. I said should we have a break so he could deal with the situation, he said he couldnt handle any external pressure namely me as I was asking him when I coud stay the night (getting angry in the process as he didnt undertsand why I felt used for sex) After two months of not seeing him properly, I asked him what was going on and he said everytime he saw me he gets stressed out. I have stood by him through two fatal accidents, his workload, his ups and downs etc and was finally at breaking point. I found out that a younger girl (20 yrs
younger) had asked him out and he was seeing her. she told me to get lost he was with her now!!
She text me lots of vindictive messages and he did not stop it. He said he was at his lowest when he met her and wants us to get back together. the house I bought went through when he was with her. I am on my own now doing it up, his work found out about them and sacked him. He has now had to move away for work. Is this my fault and how do I get us back together.
When I asked him why he did this, he said because I told him I would be leaving after another year if things didn?t change a bit, also he was at his lowest point in life because of his pal dying. He told me he only got engaged to me to keep me until somebody better came along. After 6 months we started talking again and he said he didnt mean anything he said. have now found out he is seeing somebody abroad; I saw their photo on face book. I confronted him and he has just said he doesnt want to hurt me.
Now though, he is with this other woman moving on. The girl he cheated on me with has moved onto her next target without a care in the world. I am left holding the bag all on my own. She broke us up like a tornado and has now left a path of destruction. How do I get my life on track, I have not many pals and am very alone. I see her everywhere happy and smiling whereas I have just lost the bset thing I ever had and I cant cope with the loss. Her ex told me she is destructive. She breaks up families and moves on. Now my guy and I are in different countries and moving on. How do I move on to? I just cant take this.
I really want to meet that special person and thought I’d found him. Shall I move to south seas to teah english and start a new life?
Sorry this is long.
Just a long story.
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10 comments
Heba Fouad on August 31, 2010 at 6:47 pm
You deserve a better man, What makes you settle down for someone who is not welling to even live with you? It`s obvious he does not love you that much to as you for marriage. It`s a good thing you broke up with him. You deserve a real man who appreciate you and who is willing to make a family with you. This man you were in love with was actually using you for passing time until he finds a better company. It is ovious you are a loving supportive person, so forget about this guy becuae he took more time than he really deserves. I hope you will meet the right man.
Backhoe on August 31, 2010 at 6:47 pm
If U would like a online friend to talk with I’m here. Take Care
yeappp on August 31, 2010 at 6:47 pm
I’m sorry but noone in their right mind would read all of this.
Steve-O in AZ is back! on August 31, 2010 at 6:47 pm
It’s how guys are. For instance, I saw that this post was longer than 3 lines, and decided not to read it.
Mark H on August 31, 2010 at 6:47 pm
Read the advice you got from the other times you asked this.
soc on August 31, 2010 at 6:47 pm
you have to accept things and start working for the process of healing. it is really difficult but there is no short cut to these things. be hopeful that life has so much to offer.
LIPPIE on August 31, 2010 at 6:47 pm
Well if you think he was the best thing in your life, then you need to read the same story I just read. He is a loser with a Capital L. You have made something out of your life and he comes back to you when there isn’t any one else. He is using you and you are letting him. Gain some self esteem and get out there and make a life for yourself. You sure don’t need him. If you could put up with him then you can put up with anything this life throws at you. Now make your mind up and go do something for yourself.
Ralph C on August 31, 2010 at 6:47 pm
I’ve read shorter novels.
jamie on August 31, 2010 at 6:47 pm
I dont think theres anything wrong with you .
You showed commitment and dedication in the face of adversity and challenge, when things had no direction and meaning, you stuck by him. You’de make a good wife.
Its a shame though those years you cant get back. pity it couldnt have been found out after the first year or so. anyway.
He sounds like he has been using you for sex. Because your probably pretty? and nice? and he thought that if he just keeps telling you nice things you’ll do what you want. But shame he didnt reciprocate when you needed him, he just gets stressed out. Thats becuase he didnt want to make any decisions about you. But if you were his number 1 why wouldnt he want to spend time with you when you were down? I dont know
Having a younger girlfriend now tells me he likes sex and maybe your persistence was annoying him because you want commitment. I wish i could get commitment.
Anyway you sound nice and reasonable so try to move on and find another guy with a different personality, completely different a guy who can put thoughts into action for your relationship.
….?
Tricia G on August 31, 2010 at 6:47 pm
I’m going to the store and buying you a pair of glasses for life. You are so blind to reality that even when people tell it to you like it is, you don’t see it. In time, you will see the fact that this guy dumped you will be the best thing that ever happened to you. Because otherwise you would have wasted even more time on a go nowhere relationship.
The cold harsh reality is that he never wanted to marry you and that he just kept you around for the readily available sex. Besides the fact that he even told you this directly, you have other evidence to support it. Even though you were engaged, you not only weren’t making any plans to get married, he didn’t want you living with him. Uh…what kind of marriage would you have if you lived under separate roofs. His own family came out and told you that he was using you. Since families are loyal to their own members, his behavior must have been extreme and disrespectful enough for them to tell you this. He was having an affair and his mistress was sending you multiple vindictive messages and you accepted this treatment.
Despite all this, you call him the best thing that ever happened to you. He’s not! You can do better. But you need to find your spine and self worth.
You will wind up alone and sexless if you continue pining over him and trying to figure out how to get him back. He is not worthy of you. You can do better and you deserve better.